


Say You Won't Let Go

by ThatGayFriend



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Binge Drinking, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, No Sex, SO MUCH FLUFF, just cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2018-10-24 19:46:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10748562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatGayFriend/pseuds/ThatGayFriend
Summary: Moments in Clarke and Lexa's lives based off of Say You Won't Let Go.





	1. You Lit Me Up

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: So I wrote this like a madwoman a bit over a week ago. I came up with the idea when I first heard James Arthur’s Say You Won’t Let Go, which I must say is romantic af. I also heard the song before it was popular,just thought I should point that out. This is the first part in a 4-part series I plan on writing. Just brief snippets of Clarke and Lexa’s lives together. I hope you enjoy.

Part 1: You Lit Me Up

Octavia Blake could throw some extravagant parties. Ever since she was a teenager, she had always been capable of drawing a crowd around her, like a strong magnet people were easily attracted to. Having all of her friends and loved ones together was alway a feat because there were so many. When she had the excuse to get them all in one place, they normally had the best time. 

This party was different though. Her twenty-second birthday was being celebrated in a bar owned by her boyfriend, Lincoln Woods. He’d closed down the place and given Octavia full control over every aspect of the celebration. Since they had gotten together, Octavia’s friend group had shifted slightly to add Lincoln’s and it would be the first time hers and his were mingling together. 

Octavia’s stomach had twisted at the initial idea of it because she didn’t know how well it would work out. But now, she wondered why she had been nervous in the first place. 

The party was in full swing by nine o’clock and Raven was in the process of grinding on Echo, one of Lincoln’s friends. Granted, the brunette was drunk, Octavia was slightly embarrassed. Besides Raven, Lincoln’s sister Lexa and their cousin Anya had been the two that kept mostly to themselves.

           “They aren’t interacting,” Octavia breathed to her boyfriend when they found a moment alone together. Everything within her wanted to have Anya and Lexa’s approval. They were both badass, strong women and it took them awhile to warm up to anyone, Lincoln had told her, but that didn’t dissuade Octavia.

Lincoln rolled his eyes but noticed the way his sister was glancing around, as if all of this was beneath her. He had to practically drag her to this party in the first place, now she was acting like a pretentious asshole. It pissed him off a little bit, but he knew he had to deal with it. She was going through alot right now. “Don’t worry about it, they’ll warm up.”

“Your sister is acting like an ice queen,” Octavia argued, wrapping her arms around Lincoln’s bicep and placing a loving kisses on his jaw. “Your cousin is looking at everyone like she’ll murder them if they get within a foot.”

“What am I supposed to do about it?” Lincoln smiled down at his girlfriend, unable to take her very seriously with the pout adorning her face. She was so adorable. 

Octavia huffed, “I don’t know.” her eyes wandered the small crowd, landing upon her brother, who stood with Clarke Griffin and Wells Jaha. A devious smile spread across her face as an idea developed in her brain.

She noticed the way Clarke’s eyes kept drifting to Lexa, as if she just couldn’t resist. Octavia knew that Clarke liked beautiful things and even she could admit that Lexa was practically a perfect specimen. It seemed to run in the Woods family. Wells and Bellamy were both teasing the blonde, nudging her and gesturing to Lexa not-so subtly. 

This was going to be great.

~   ~   ~

“You could just go over and  _ talk  _ to her, you know.” Wells nudged her lightly and Clarke had to blink out of her haze. The rest of the room seemed to come back into focus and her only thought was  _ fuck no _ , she didn’t want to make a fool of herself. Lexa Woods stood across the room, completely intimidating and beautiful with her cousin Anya. She was uninterested and Clarke was certain her approach would be most unwelcome.

When Wells didn’t receive a response he added, “You could at least offer her a friendly drink.”

“Uh, no. She’ll probably bite my head off.”

“Oh, come on, Clarke. You clearly want to talk to her. What’s the harm in tell her you want to spend time with her? I bet she’d be down.” Bellamy seated himself next to Wells casually, blantly gesturing to Lexa. Clarke was almost certain the gorgeous brunette already knew they were talking about her. 

“She could hear me, Bellamy. I don’t want to look like an idiot, especially since she looks like she’ll kill the next person that approaches her.” Clarke shivered at the idea.

“You always seem to go for the hostile girls, anyway. Also, you always look like an idiot. It kind of comes with the blonde hair.” Bellamy teased, reaching over and playing with a strand of her hair, snickering when she smacked him away with an indignant glare.

“Shut up, I’m not going over there and that’s the end of it.” Clarke took a large gulp of her beer and turned to walk away from her two friends. 

“Too late,” Octavia boxed her escape from the left, nearly spilling Clarke’s beer in her haste. She held up a fresh beer, “Her name is Lexa and she’s Lincoln’s  _ sister _ . Go make nice.” She forced the beer into Clarke’s free right hand and shooed her away. 

Clarke didn’t budge. “What is this? A trap?” Clarke looked between her three friends, nerves bubbling in her stomach because she knew they would make her go. Bellamy and Wells she could fight off, but all three of them? Probably not. They looked like the Three Stooges all of the sudden and it didn’t sit well in her stomach. 

The younger Blake smiled evilly and with the help of her brother and Wells, shoved Clarke in the general direction of the beautiful brunette without another word. Without looking where she was going, Clarke reached out to slap Octavia before continuing forward.

~   ~   ~

“You know all of them are looking at us, right?”

Lexa rolled her eyes and sighed. “I know.”

She did know, even if her back was to the bar and she was facing her cousin. The eyes on her weren’t subtle and if she chose to glance backwards, three of Octavia’s friends would be blatantly staring at her. She didn’t want to be here and attracting this much attention just irritated her.

Lexa would have much rather been at home working on something or reading a book. Going out and partying with her brother’s girlfriend wasn’t productive in her mind. Enjoying herself just reminded her of everything she’d lost and she preferred living in her little world of self-misery. 

Her bubble of darkness was only ever violated when Anya showed up and threatened to beat Lexa to a pulp if she didn’t try to enjoy herself. The brunette had become very good at pretending she was having a good time.

“I think the blonde wants to talk to you,” Anya noted, “it looks like her friends are trying to push her to do it but they’re getting shot down.”

“Good, I don’t want to talk to her.” Lexa sighed and leaned against the table they were occupying. 

Anya rolled her eyes, “You could at least pretend like you're having fun. Innocent conversation with a pretty girl isn’t going to kill anyone.”

Irritation at the whole party and her family’s inability to stay out of her business felt like it was beginning to overflow. To keep from saying anything she may regret later, she drank the last of the alcohol she had been nursing the entire night. “I’m going to get another beer. Want one?”

“No, I’m good. But Lexa, seriously. Loosen up, get over yourself. She left you but you can’t let that define the rest of your life.”

“Whatever, An.” Lexa turned and walked away from her cousin.

“Her name is Clarke, by the way!” Anya shouted after her.

It seemed as though fate meant for the two of them to meet because Lexa was making her way back to the bar just as Clarke was reluctantly being pushed in her direction. They collided without warning and their heads bumped together painfully, two hard headed dimwits  _ literally _ running into each other. Their feet tangled together and they would have gone toppling over if it wasn’t for Lexa’s quick reflexes. 

She rightened their bodies, slipping her arms around the mirroring swells of soft hips to slow their momentum. She stepped backwards and then pinwheeled a little to keep them from looking like a complete set of idiots and landing on their asses.

A chorus of laughter echoed from the bar and Clarke’s face flushed such a bright shade of red she could barely stutter out an apology. This was going way worse than she had originally thought it would and now she was wrapped up in Lexa’s arms. 

Lexa was even more beautiful up close. Her eyes a vibrant shade of green, her lips bow shaped and soft-looking, and her body soft yet firm against her own. 

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“Don’t mention it,” Lexa withdrew herself from Clarke and straightened her shirt. Lucky enough, Clarke had managed to keep a hold of both of the beers and not splashed them both with the liquid. 

The brunette turned away and Clarke realized she was missing her chance. She dropped her beer on the nearest table and reached out to grab Lexa’s bicep. “Hey, I’m sorry for running into you and...well, I saw you from across the bar and I was-”

“If this is you trying to flirt with me, I’m sorry, but I’m not interested.” Lexa’s face was unreadable, a mask of stoic indifference and Clarke really didn’t know what to make of it. Honestly, she just felt completely embarrassed. Maybe this girl wasn’t into girls after all, but it seemed like Octavia was pushing Clarke because Lexa was into girls. 

“Oh,” Clarke glanced around, trying to find a way out. “Well, I mean. I wasn’t flirting...uh,” she decided going with the truth was her best bet. “My friend, Octavia. She says you're Lincoln’s sister and well, uh, she thought you weren’t having all that much fun and wanted to send me over to, ah, you know, introduce myself.” She held up the beer she had in her hand and jumped over to the one resting on the table nearest to them. She waved them both around, as if to prove that her story was true. “I was bringing you a drink.”

Lexa quirked an eyebrow at that and she found Octavia watching them worriedly from the bar a few steps away. When she noticed Lexa looking she glanced away sheepishly and pretended to be involved in the conversation her friends were having. “You were bringing me a drink?”

“Yeah,” Clarke held it out and smiled. It was one of those half-smiles that was endearing and brought out a little dimple in her cheek, which was flushed from alcohol and their collision. 

The brunette took a moment to look Clarke over, having not done so the entire time Anya was explaining what was going on behind her. Blonde hair was tied in little braids and pinned to the back of her head to keep the rest of those wavy tresses out of her face. Clarke was dressed in a casual pair of tight-fitting jeans, a loose v-neck and a leather jacket that made her look oddly feminine even though it was definitely a man’s jacket and was probably meant to look hard. Her eyes were a bright, alert blue and she had soft, rounding curves that Lexa had to admit this girl was definitely her new type. 

This girl was the complete opposite of her ex.

Lexa didn’t know if it was the clumsy way Clarke tried to recover, her smile or the way she looked, but she reached out and took the beer. “Thanks. Why don’t you come over to my table? I can introduce you to my cousin Anya.”

Clarke’s heart stuttered because she could have sworn this girl was a second away from biting her head off like she had predicted. Having succeeded, relief rushed through her and it took a moment before she could formulate a response because she was resisting fist pumping in happiness. Most of the time her attempts at flirting with girls utterly failed and she was left to pick up some guy if she wanted to. 

“Oh, um. Yeah, that’d be...cool.” She nodded eagerly.

“This way,” Lexa smiled, a small one that made her eyes twinkle but it still urged Clarke on. She followed the brunette back to her table. 

“Anya, this is Clarke. Clarke, Anya.” The brunette introduced the two blondes and they shook hands, exchanging a knowing smile. Anya met Lexa’s eyes over Clarke’s head and raised a curious eyebrow, to which Lexa only rolled her eyes. 

Clarke took a seat between the cousins and rested an elbow on the table. “So how come I’ve never met you Lexa? Octavia and Lincoln have been pretty serious for awhile and the only part of his family I’ve met is Anya, actually.”

“You two have met?” This was news to Lexa. She may have vaguely heard a name similar to Clarke’s mentioned once or twice, but not enough to really draw her attention. Half the time she wasn’t even listening, anyway.

“Once or twice. Lincoln’s brought her around some of Raven’s parties when he came with Octavia,” Clarke explained. “He mentions you a lot, but says you don’t like to go out.” She was relaxing because Anya was there, her familiarity comforting. Lexa was also fun to tease, the way her head tilted in confusion was adorable.

“That’s an understatement,” Anya sent Lexa one of those looks that spoke more than words and it was one that Clarke couldn’t really understand. She glanced between them as Lexa glared back. It was a moment before either of them spoke again and it was Anya who did it. “Since you’re here Clarke, why don’t you entertain Lexa? I wanted to talk to Raven for a bit.”

“Sure,” Clarke smiled at Lexa, who barely masked a grimace at her cousin. It didn’t make her feel better. 

“I hand the baton to you, dear Clarke,” Anya slapped her on the shoulder roughly, jostling the smaller blonde. “Good luck,” she breathed in her ear as she passed.

Clarke gulped as she was left with Lexa, who looked way more interested in the label on her bottle than actually holding a conversation with her. She wanted to impress Lexa in some way, but couldn’t fathom exactly how. It took her a couple of minutes of absolute, awkward silence and a hard wracking of her brain to figure it out, “Want to shadow me?”

“What?” Lexa frowned.

“Its this game I played in college a lot. You buddy up and however much the other person drinks, you do too. It's kind of like a drinking game, I guess. I used to do it with Raven all of the time, until I got alcohol poisoning. Which wasn’t fun.”

Lexa wrinkled her nose at that, she’d never been as heavy a drinker as to get alcohol poisoning. It sounded to her like Clarke was a bit of a party animal. “I don’t think so.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow. “I guess,” she smirked, taking a sip of her drink to try to mask it. “You probably wouldn’t be able to keep up with me anyway.”

Not one to back down from a challenge, Lexa was instantly defensive. She leaned closer to Clarke and for a moment, got lost in mischievous blue eyes. Her tongue seemed to stop working and she couldn’t formulate any words, her brain felt like it went completely blank. The way those eyes continued to sparkle and another one of those smirked adorned Clarke’s lips, she seemed to know exactly the effect she was having on Lexa.

After a moment, Lexa drew her eyes away and held out her free hand. “Challenge accepted, Clarke. I’ll shadow you.”

Clarke’s smile seemed to double in size as she latched on to Lexa’s hand, squeezing it before holding it and dragging her in the direction of the bar. “Perfect.”

~   ~   ~

It wasn’t even two hours later before Lexa realized this was a  _ serious  _ mistake. She’d lost track of how many shots of...was it whiskey? that Clarke had taken and then goaded Lexa into taking as well. She was still nursing the second beer that Clarke had bought her, but she was drunk enough that it didn’t even matter.

She could feel her motor skills failing and her filter was completely gone. All of her inhibitions from earlier seemed to have melted away with false bravado and confidence that came with the alcohol. Clarke too, seemed to make her stumble over her words and trip over herself just a little bit more. 

It became easier to laugh with Clarke, who seemed to have a joke to crack every second. Her stomach ached from it in the most pleasant way. As the alcohol took its desired affect, both girls became a little more handsy with each other. Clarke’s hand never left hers and when she finally convinced Lexa to dance with her, it had gotten even harder to dislodge themselves. 

They were just on their way back to the bar for something to quench their thirst from dancing when they ran into Octavia, who was utterly smashed. She was barely able to stand on her own and Lincoln had a dutiful arm wrapped around her waist the entire time. When the younger girl spotted the two of them, her face lit up. 

“Clarkeyyyyy!” She shouted, stumbling forward and wrapping her arms around her less drunk friend. 

“Hey, O.” Clarke gave Lincoln a warning look.

“I love you sooooo much, I’m so glad you fun policed Lexa and got her to loosen up,” she breathed, her breath smelling of rum and something else. Octavia could not handle hard liquor.

“Who gave her rum?”

That was when Raven came scrambling over, with Anya practically clinging to her to prevent her from falling over. Her face was flushed either from the alcohol or practically carrying Anya, Clarke wasn’t sure. “This one challenged her. We all know how Octavia doesn’t back down and it's her birthday, so everyone’s been buying her a drink.”

Anya smiled sleepily and rested her head on Raven’s shoulder. Something about it just seemed completely wrong to Lexa on some deeper level that she couldn’t quite put her finger on in her drunken state. 

“I was thinking of taking her upstairs to lay down for a bit,” Lincoln suggested. 

“I was going to drive Anya home, if that’s alright, Clarke. I know I was DD for you and Bell tonight.” Raven bit her lip, concern etching between her eyebrows. 

Clarke shrugged, “I can get an Uber, I was thinking Lexa needs a break anyway. Maybe a water if she wants to keep up with me for the rest of the night.” She smirked at the brunette hanging on her arm and swaying slightly. Her eyes were glazed and her jaw slightly slack as she continued to stare at her cousin as if she was an alien. 

“What?” Lexa blinked and then frowned, her back straightening. “I can keep up with you.”

Anya laughed into Raven’s shirt, “She’ll say that until she throws up or passes out.”

Lexa made a small, indignant noise and stuck her tongue out childishly. “I can hold my alcohol.”

“Sure, sure.”

“Anyway,” Lincoln’s concerned eyes had never left his girlfriend, who was still clinging to Clarke like a koala. “I should probably get her upstairs,” he reached out and lightly brushed a hand over her waist. “Come on, babe, we’re going to bed.”

Octavia began humming softly, ignoring Lincoln and swaying Clarke back and forth in her arms. “Hey, Clarke.”

“Yes Octavia?” the blonde chuckled and rubbed her free hand over her back, giving Lincoln a look that told him to be patient, the girl always got a little spacey when she was drunk.

“Will you see Beauty and the Beast with me? Lincoln has to work and I wanna see it.”

“Of course, O. I bet Raven would  _ love  _ to come too.”

Raven rolled her eyes, already having said she thought the live version would be horrible. “Yeah, I’ll go, O. It’ll be a girls night out.”

“Promise?” Octavia peaked out from Clarke’s hair at her other friend. 

“I promise.”

“It's just that, we never get to hang out anymore. I miss you guys,” she pouted and pulled away from Clarke, finally succumbing to her boyfriend's silent, but insistent pestering. She slouched into him and sighed wistfully. “I want us to hang out more.”

“We’ll hang out more, O.” Clarke’s eyebrows pulled together in sadness, because Octavia was right, they hadn’t seen each other very often. Life was just getting in the way of it. 

Raven agreed, attempting to placate the brunette so she would listen to her boyfriend. Once the two of them were gone, Raven said her goodbyes and helped Anya towards the exit. The rest of the party was still in full swing, nearly twenty or so people still mingling and dancing to the heavy bassed rap music escaping from Lincoln’s top of the line speaker system. 

Clarke and Lexa were left alone again, but their giddy mood had been slightly broken by the exit of their friends.They took a seat at the bar and ordered two waters instead of alcohol. They stayed close together and Clarke could feel the heat radiating from Lexa’s body. If she was reading all of the signs right, Lexa thought she was attractive. Or at least, she thought she was funny by the constant laughing that they had done that night. 

She had to admit that she found Lexa attractive and wanted to get to know her better. She reminded Clarke of an enigma, one moment stone-faced and unemotional and then in the next she’s laughing like it was what she was made to do. The sound of it made Clarke’s heart soar and she couldn’t help but laugh too. 

Lexa watched Clarke as she took a drink of her water, the way her throat bobbed and her hair shone in the darkness. They may have only known each other for a couple of hours, but Clarke made Lexa feel more alive than she had in months. She lit her up in the best way possible, set her blood on fire with the way she moved and even though Lexa was much more drunk than she, never got too handsy with her. 

The blonde seemed to understand what she was thinking in that moment and said it before Lexa could, “Want to get out of here with me?”

Lexa smiled and nodded.

“I don’t mean...like, I didn’t meant to imply that we,” she gestured between them, having figured out that her words could have come off in a much less innocent way. “I was just wondering if maybe you’d want to come by my apartment, you mentioned wanting to see some of my paintings.”

Lexa laughed and grabbed ahold of Clarke’s floundering hands before they hit someone. “Clarke, yes. I will go home with you.”

They exited the bar together, their fingers intertwined and breathed in the crisp air of the night. It succeeded in clearing both of their minds and before Lexa ordered them a cab, Clarke spoke up, “Why don’t we walk? My apartment is just up that way.” she gestured to the left, further down the street. She didn’t want their night to end too soon.

Once they arrived, Lexa hesitated at the threshold. Clarke’s place was a split townhouse in a decent area and was well lit. Her apartment was the top one, the door opening into a small entry way that inclined steeply to the second floor where she lived. 

After a moment, she followed Clarke inside and slipped of her shoes at the bottom of the stairs. She followed Clarke up, though at a much slower pace to observe the photographs on the walls. There were some of a blonde haired and blue eyed toddler, kid then teenager that Lexa could only assume was Clarke. Some of the pictures were with a man that looked much like she did or a woman that was much darker.

There were others with aunts and uncles, cousins and grandparents. People Lexa had rarely seen before they died when she was young, now all she had left was Lincoln and Anya. Her heart clenched slightly, with envy and sadness at remembering what she couldn’t have any longer, but she was happy to observe Clarke’s life - which seemed so untouched by pain - and to know the girl that had experienced it. 

When she reached the top of the stairs her depressed mood was gone and she found Clarke standing in the kitchen with a wine opener and a bottle of the alcohol itself. The cork was just popping out when she stepped up onto the landing. 

Clarke had let her hair loose and then pulled it up into a bun. Her eyes were heavy lidded and her body swayed heavily, even if she acted like she was perfectly fine, Lexa knew she was far from sober. Maybe she could still handle her liquor even if she hadn’t had a serious binge like this one in a while. 

“Wine?”

“Yes, and I have chips,” she waved around the bag of cool ranch Doritos. “I also have nacho if you’re into that.” She wrinkled her nose and grabbed down two glasses from the cupboard. 

The apartment wasn’t very large, just a living room off to the right of the stairs, blocked off slightly by the wall that framed the staircase. There was a plasma screen with a huge, well-maintained entertainment center set up, a leather couch and a ratty blue lay-z boy sitting in the corner. The kitchen was a narrow section with a wall on either side of the sink and a tiny area for a dining room table.

To the left of the staircase was a door that looked like it led to a bedroom and behind the dining room table was a hallway that led deeper into the apartment, though it didn’t seem like it went very far. It was a modest little place, but splashed with so much color, Lexa wasn’t surprised it was Clarke’s. The blonde girl seemed to be riddled with color in personality and style. 

Lexa rounded into the kitchen and accepted the offered glace, picking up the bottle to read the what kind it was. “Muscato?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“I didn’t take  you for a white wine kind of person,” Lexa shrugged, placing the bottle back down.

“Well you don’t know me very well, Lexa Woods.”

“Why don’t we change that?” Lexa leaned in and lightly pressed their glasses together.

“I would like that very much.”

~   ~   ~

The bottle of wine was finished and the bag of cool ranch doritos was crumbled on the living room floor. A big blanket had been dragged out of the closet hours before because Clarke had gotten cold during their conversation. It was now half on the floor along with her pants because eventually she had gotten hot. 

Alcohol, it seemed, made her bolder and she was all too happy to take them off and sit there talking to Lexa as if she wasn’t almost half naked. It had taken the brunette a bit to ignore the soft looking skin of Clarke’s thighs and focus back on the conversation, but eventually she had. 

Their night had suddenly come to a squealing halt when Clarke stopped talking, her face grew pale and she practically threw herself off of the couch. She bolted down the hallway, slammed through the door on her right and was hurling everything in her stomach into the toilet. 

Lexa had rushed after her, having been unsure of what exactly the problem was. It had taken her a moment to process it, but when she did, she had dropped down onto her knees behind the blonde. Her fingers came up to brush the loose strands of hair that had escaped the bun on the top of Clarke’s head.

Clarke’s shoulders shook and she heaved up the rest of what was in her stomach. She wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or the Doritos or the combination of heavy liquor and wine, but her body couldn’t take it anymore. 

Lexa settled behind her, rubbing soothing circles on her back and whispering assurances as she did her business. The brunette wasn’t accustomed to dealing with throw up in her normal, everyday life, but taking care of Clarke didn’t really bother her. She had never had the most squeamish of stomachs and she couldn’t have been more thankful for it in that moment.

All of her concern was for Clarke and making sure she felt comfortable. Once her body stopped its shaking and her stomach had expelled whatever had bothered it, she didn’t stop rubbing circles on the other girl’s back. All she did was lean up and around Clarke to grab a wad of toilet paper and hand it to her before flushing the toilet.

They sat on the tile floor in the bathroom, and like most people do after they throw up to ground themselves and relax, Clarke laid her face against the edge of the cool bathtub. She rubbed her clammy forehead over the porcelain for a few moments before looking over her shoulder at Lexa. The brunette was still rubbing soothing circles into her back, right below her shoulder blade and it comforted her in ways she didn’t quite understand. 

Embarrassment flooded her cheeks with red but she was too drained to really do anything more than smile sheepishly at her. “I’m sorry you have to see me like this.”

“Don’t be,” Lexa smiled and her brain felt clearer all of the sudden. The fog of alcohol disappeared for a moment and the brightness of Clarke’s eyes seemed to shine even brighter in the darkness. Lexa’s heart felt like it might leap out of her chest if she didn’t do something. There was this overwhelming urge to keep Clarke close and never let her go.

Like she had early, Clarke seemed to read her mind. “Will you stay over?” 

Lexa paused, every fiber of her being wanting to say  _ yes _ , but she didn’t want to seem eager. “You should get some rest.” 

“I didn’t mean it in any other way than sleep, Lexa. I’ll get rest.”

“I didn’t mean it in any other way either, Clarke. You need to sleep, I don’t need to distract you while you’re sick.”

“You make me feel better,” Clarke leaned back into her, pressing her back into Lexa’s front and allowing the brunette to settle against the wall. It was almost as if Clarke knew exactly what Lexa wanted without her having to voice it. She slipped one arm around Clarke’s waist and the other into her mussed golden locks. Her face was pale and slightly clammy, but it buried in the crook of Lexa’s neck, her body turning to press as much into Lexa’s as it could. “This is nice, don’t let go.”

It didn’t matter if she thought it would be better for her to go home, if she had wanted to she didn’t think she could have. A feeling rushed through Lexa at those words Clarke said so casually, something she couldn’t quite place or name, but it made her feel more alive than she ever had before. Sitting in that tiny bathroom, the cold tile making her thighs numb and the uncomfortable curve of her back against the wall was nothing compared to the sudden warmth blossoming in her chest. 

Her arms tightened as she drew Clarke closer to her chest. “ I won’t.” She breathed, and for some reason, it felt like a promise.


	2. You're Always There For Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa hit some hard times, but don't worry. It's all okay :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello again! This is an update to the song-fic I started approximately 10,000 years ago and have yet to finish. But fear not, it is coming and will be completed as soon as possible. Enjoy some Clexa fluff and a lil bit of angst, but don’t worry, its all fine! These two nerds are meant to be, as they should be. So drop me a comment of what you think, I hope to hear from everyone. Thanks for sticking with me!  
> ~TGF

**You’re Always There For Me**

            “Clarke, I can’t come over tomorrow.” Lexa sighed with exasperation, her voice held an edge of annoyance.

            Clarke sighed on the other end too, slouching into her couch and finally home from a hard day’s work at the hospital. If she had known becoming a doctor was such a hard job when she was a kid she would never had aspired to be one. Her feet ached and her back throbbed, being constantly alert gave her a headache. All she wanted was a bit of time to relax with her girlfriend, but clearly that wasn’t happening.

            She was reduced to begging now, “Please? I know you have to study, but you can study at my place. I’ll be super quiet and off work until Friday. I just want to see you for a minute. It’s been so long.”

            Lexa rolled her eyes, having made plans to study with a group of friends prior to talking with Clarke. Considering it was finals week of her senior year in college, Lexa was drowning in exams and essays. She had already planned to meet up with a couple of classmates in her Quantum Mechanics class and her brain was a whirl of Greek letters, algebra and calculus equations. She really was not in the mood for Clarke right now. “Babe, I have things to do.”

            “Why can’t you do them here?” Clarke was getting irritated too. It was one thing for Lexa to be busy, but it was another that they hadn’t seen each other in days and Lexa had been completely withdrawn for longer than that.

            “Clarke, I made plans to study tonight, I can’t.”

            There was no _I’m sorry_ or apologetic tone to her voice, just a cold, distanced aggravation. “Why are you being like this?”

            “I have finals I’m stressed. I have to study tonight. I can’t come over.” Her words were clipped as she said them, unlocking her car as she did. She violently tossed her backpack in the car, and slammed the door before walking around to the drivers side. “I have to go,” she mumbled abruptly and without giving Clarke a moment to respond, she hung up.

            It was rude and she knew it, but there were so many things on her mind that she didn’t even think about how Clarke was feeling in the moment. Instead of dwelling on it, she turned up her radio and sped off in the direction of the library.

~   ~   ~

            With her feelings hurt and heart aching in her chest, Clarke sat dumbfounded in her living room wondering how exactly things had gotten so heated so quickly. Maybe she had been a bit pushy, but it didn’t warrant Lexa’s horrible attitude. It had been like that for nearly two weeks now, Lexa acting distant and avoiding Clarke at all costs. The blonde didn’t really know what her deal was and hadn’t had the option to discuss it with her because she was constantly being shut out.

If anything, Clarke felt like her relationship was in jeopardy.

Instead of allowing herself to dwell, she called Octavia, who called Raven who ended up bringing Anya along. They ended up in Clarke’s living room with two bottles of wine and an ungodly amount of Chinese food.

Pleasantly buzzed off the wine and exhausted from her fevered rant about her girlfriend, Clarke was lounging on the couch. She had her head in Raven’s lap and her feet in Octavia’s while Anya sat at the coffee table grumbling about her idiotic cousin.

At first she had tried to defend Lexa, saying that she had a hard time with committing to relationships. That being with Clarke for so long was going to start scaring her. But when both Raven and Octavia kept shutting her down and arguing to the point where their voices rose, Clarke had shut all three of them down.

Raven’s fingers kept running through her hair, trying to assuage the headache they both knew was throbbing through her skull. Octavia had resorted to using Clarke’s legs as a table for her fried rice and Anya was scrolling through a social media app on her phone.

They rested in silence until Clarke’s phone vibrated on the table by the couch. It took a moment for her to process it and when she did, Raven already had it in her hand. “It’s Miller.”

“Gimme,” Clarke reached out without opening her eyes and slid the answer key once the phone was within her grasp. “What’s up, Miller?”

“Hey, Griffin, I have a favor to ask you,” his voice was cautious and small, as if he fully expected her not to help.

“What’s up?”

“Would you be willing to work my overnight tonight? Brian has an emergency and I need to have the night off.”

Clarke sighed, even though she knew she would say yes, it still aggravated her that she didn’t have plans for the evening. “Yeah, I’ll fill in for you. But you owe me one.”

“Really? Thanks, Clarke! Anything you want, I promise. I owe you big time,” Miller gushed, the smile obvious in his voice.

“What time do I need to fill in?”

“I’m supposed to clock in at midnight, I know this is late notice and you worked today. But I really appreciate it, Brian really appreciates it.”

“It’s no big deal, Miller,” Clarke rolled her eyes at Raven who was frowning at her, clearly wanting to know what was going on.

“I’m in the ER tonight and it shouldn’t be too bad for a Tuesday,” Miller reassured.

“Yeah, no big deal.”

“Thanks, Clarke. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye, Miller.” Clarke hung up the phone and groaned loudly. Her body ached from being on shift for nearly twenty four hours and now she had signed up for a twelve hour overnight shift. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to help out Nathan, she was just irritated with the fact that she _could_ fill in for him. If Lexa had just wanted to spend time with her she would have most definitely said no.

“What’ was that about?” Anya asked, glancing up from her cellphone.

“Miller wants me to fill in for him tonight.”

Octavia coughed, “You said yes?”

“What else should I have said? No? I don’t have anything to do tonight.”

“You could hang out with us,” Raven smacked her stomach lightly, “It's been awhile since we’ve gotten a chance to hang out with you.”

“I know, but hey, we got a couple of good hours in, right? Next time, I’ll make sure Miller fills in for me and we can all go out for drinks or something,” Clarke turned her head to smirk at Anya, “Even you.”

Anya narrowed her eyes at Clarke, “As if I even like spending time with you, blondie.”

Clarke chuckled and sat up. “I should probably go to sleep and try to get rid of the alcohol in my system.”

“So you’re going to kick us out? That’s not fair!” Octavia exclaimed, bringing her Chinese food to her chest protectively. “I’m still eating!”

“You’re always eating, Octavia.” Anya pointed out.

“You guys can hang around, you just have to be quiet,” Clarke shrugged.

In the end, Raven and Anya opted to leave, saying something about meeting up with Anya’s mom for drinks. Octavia stayed because Lincoln was busy with his friends, helping them move out of their old house. She turned the television on, wished Clarke a goodnight and settled in for the evening.

It wasn’t odd for Clarke’s friends to use her house as a place to crash because she trusted them completely with her things. At one point, she and Raven had been roommates and Octavia had practically lived with them for a year when she was trying to figure out her life.

~   ~   ~

            Clarke slept for a bit over four hours, finding it difficult to sleep without knowing how she and Lexa were doing. It had been radio silence since the phone call earlier in the day and not knowing what her girlfriend was up to or if she was okay, really hurt her.

            When she woke up, there wasn’t a message and even though she wanted to at least try to make a connection, it was Lexa who had started this and it would be Lexa who communicated with her in the end. So she turned off her phone and headed to work.

            After changing into her scrubs in the locker room and slipping on her lab coat and stethoscope, she found her station in the ER. She hooked her pager to her hip and found charts for some of the patients who had already come through.

            Maia was seated at the receptionist desk in the ER lobby and Clarke greeted her once she strolled over. “Hey, Maia.”

            “Dr. Griffin,” Maia smiled, stopping her system filing on the computer. “I thought it was supposed to be Dr. Miller tonight.”

            “He had a family emergency and asked me to cover for him,” Clarke shrugged, straightening her coat.

            Maia wrinkled her nose, “I’m sorry, but I’m glad you’re here.”

            “Who’s the other on call tonight?”

            “Oh, Dr. Monroe.”

            They chatted together for a few more minutes until Clarke was drawn away by her pager. The night was slow, considering it was a weeknight in the middle of winter, there was very little likelihood of anyone being out. She responded to a few concussions and several drunken accidents by college students, but there were no serious life-threatening emergencies.

            She had just settled into the mess room with a blanket and her eyes were drifting closed when her pager went off. The code on the screen sent her heart pounding and adrenaline pumping quickly in her veins.

            Clarke stood and rushed down to the ER. It was abuzz with nurses and EMTs rushing around and shouting at each other. From what she could catch, a college student had crashed on her way out of the school grounds.

            Blue eyes caught on to a mop of curly hair, Bellamy, rushing through the emergency room door with a gurney being pushed right behind him by a couple of his crew. Clarke walked right to him and when his eyes caught hers, she could see the near panic in his. He tried to mask it, she knew and when he rushed to her and grabbed a hold of her arms she knew something was wrong.

            “Clarke, stay back, you can’t—”

            “I can’t what, Bellamy? This is my ER and I’m here to help, now move.”

            “Clarke, you don’t want—” He tried to block her view as the gurney was rolled further past her. Clarke caught a glimpse of dark hair and then a face, a face swollen and covered in blood, but one that she knew better than her own. _Lexa._

            Her heart seemed to stop and time seemed to slow to a crawl as her girlfriend was rolled, unconscious and bleeding right past her. The moment Lexa was gone, time sped up and Clarke was left reeling. Her breathing came in gasps and she clung to Bellamy for support, her legs felt weak and her body was going to collapse. She registered Bellamy’s shout for help before her vision went black.

~   ~   ~  
            Clarke was pacing like a caged animal, back and forth in a private examination room. Bellamy had insisted after she woke up that Dr. Monroe came to see her, but it had been nearly thirty minutes. Clarke was almost certain they had left her there so she couldn’t get to Lexa.

            She’d passed out, yes, but Bellamy had caught her in time that there was no concussion. There was no underlying medical reason for her loss of consciousness besides pure shock and fear, Clarke was certain of that. But Lexa, Lexa was injured, and Clarke had no way of knowing if she was alright. What were the extents of her injuries? Was she in surgery? Was there something wrong internally or was it all external? _Was Lexa dead?_

            That was the one question Clarke feared the answer to, the rest she could fix with her hands. Death? Death, she couldn’t fight.

            Their fight kept replaying in her head. Could those really be the last words they spoke to each other? She needed to make this right as soon as possible, but she needed to see Lexa first.

            The doorknob turned and Clarke stopped in her tracks, turning to the door immediately. It was Monroe. Finally.

            “Dr. Griffin, you shouldn’t be standing after your fainting spell.”

            “How is she?” Clarke crossed her arms over her chest, straightening her back and trying to convey as much strength as she could in that moment.

            “How are you, Clarke? Are you okay?” Monroe’s eyes softened considerably as she gazed upon the other woman.

            “I don’t care about me right now. How is Lexa Woods? The ER patient?”

            “She’s…okay, they got her an MRI and the results are clean. They stitched up her head and we’re monitoring her closely.”

            “Can I see her?”

            Dr. Monroe glanced at something behind Clarke, as if she couldn’t meet her eyes, “Clarke, you’re a doctor here and close to this patient, I can’t have you on the case.”

            “I don’t care, have you checked for brain bleeds? How is her functioning?”

            Dr. Monroe gave her a look that made Clarke’s heart drop into her stomach and she knew.

            “She hasn’t woken up, has she?”

            “Not yet, but we’re waiting. Don’t worry, Clarke, it’ll—”

            Clarke stalked up to Dr. Monroe, “Don’t worry? Don’t worry that my girlfriend, the woman I love is in another room, probably in a _coma_ that she could potentially never wake up from?” Her blood boiled and her hands shook with rage and fear. This wasn’t good. Tears pricked at her eyes but Clarke refused to let them fall. Now was not the time.

            “Clarke, I need you to stay calm. I’m going to call Bellamy and have him drive you home. You can come back in the morning, okay?”

            “Please, just let me see—”

            “I can’t, she’s being closely monitored. Have some faith in your co-workers, please. Bellamy is on his way to drive you home,” Monroe clenched her jaw, nodding her head with finality as she turned to leave before pausing. “But Clarke, I know Lexa is strong, she’ll be fine. She has the best team watching over her.” Then she was gone and Clarke was left alone once again.

~   ~   ~  
            The next morning, after a sleepless night, Lincoln allowed Clarke to see his little sister. He had argued with the staffing nurse for nearly twenty minutes over why Clarke had been denied access to her girlfriend. After going in an endless loop with the woman over closest living relatives, Clarke had been allowed to visit her girlfriend.

             The walk down the familiar emergency hallway felt different as a visitor. Her co-workers nodded to her politely when they passed and nurses that new her greeted her with a smile, but didn’t question why she was there. Honestly, they probably all knew.

            Lincoln and Anya had informed Clarke that Lexa had woken up around 6am and hadn’t been back to sleep since. They warned her that her face was swollen and she would probably be asleep when Clarke arrived. But the blonde was used to this, she was normally the one warning family members not to freak out over the way someone looked.

            Room 2179’s door was closed and she rested her hand on the doorknob. Her mind raced through everything the two of them had said to each other these last few weeks. Their relationship had slowly been ripping at the seams no matter how hard Clarke had tried to stitch it back together. What if Lexa didn’t want to see her? What if she’d tell her to go away?

            Clarke wasn’t going to stand for that. It might have only been three months and if it had been any other person, Clarke probably would have said that it wasn’t meant to work out. If they were having problems already, clearly they weren’t meant for each other. But she didn’t believe that, so with a burst of confidence, Clarke opened the door.

            Lexa was awake and sitting up in bed. Clarke’s eyes scanned over her face, her heart stopped pounding so erratically. She noted the bruise over her cheek and the stitching disappearing into her hairline. There were small cuts trailing over her nose and face, but she looked alright besides the intense swelling of her right cheek.  

            Clarke remembered how she’d looked early that morning, when she had first arrived, as though she may have had worse injuries than what there was due to the amount of blood present. But Lexa had been lucky. Her seatbelt had been in place and she’d had fast enough reflexes, from what Clarke had heard, to avoid a head on collision with the other driver.

            When their eyes finally met, Lexa tried to smile but her eyes filled with tears instead. She extended her hand forward, an IV poking into the back of it and bruises shadowed her skin. Clarke’s heart ached in her chest at the sight of the other woman looking so broken. She’d seen Lexa cry maybe one other time and that was when she’d been stressed and not sad, this was so much worse.

             “Hey, hey,” Clarke smiled, but her throat was closing up and tears were pricking at her eyes too as she rushed around the side of the bed. “You’re okay, Lexa.” she slipped her hand into her girlfriend’s and leaned over her, pressing a tender kiss to an unmarked part of the brunette’s forehead. She closed her eyes for a brief moment and breathed in, allowing Lexa’s scent to calm her nerves.

            Lexa’s head rested heavily on her chest and her shoulders rose and fell sporadically as she cried, soaking Clarke’s shirt. The blonde didn’t care though, she just held on and let her tears fall too, basking in relief that Lexa was okay. After several moments, Clarke spoke, “I saw you. In the ER.”

            “Wha-” Lexa pulled away a bit to meet Clarke’s eyes.

            “I picked up a shift and…I thought you were dead, Lexa.” Clarke shut her eyes tightly to stave off the tears threatening to spill and sucked in a deep, shaky breath. “I saw you and I thought I’d never get to talk to you again. I thought we were going to end…just like that.”

            “Clarke, I’m—”

            Clarke’s heart jumped sharply in her chest as she opened her eyes again. Lexa’s were bright green and glassy, staring at her so sadly it hurt. “Wait, let me finish. I thought I wasn’t going to get the chance to say how I feel about you. I know it may be too early, but I want to tell you.”

            Shaky hands came up and brushed the tears from Clarke’s cheeks, “Clarke, don’t say it yet. Don’t say it because our emotions are high, and we don’t need to rush this. I’m not going anywhere now, okay?”

            “Are you sure?” Clarke mumbled nervously.

            Lexa smiled reassuringly, her tears drying as they spoke, “Yes, but I feel the same way. We just don’t need to say it right now.”

            “Okay,” Clarke nodded.

            “Okay.” Lexa pulled the blonde into a hug again. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to argue with you. I was just stressed...and then the accident happened and for a second I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to be able to say I was sorry.” Lexa blabbered after a moment, tears running hot and fresh down her cheeks once again.

            Clarke brought her hands to Lexa’s face and pulled back a bit, trying to blink back the tears blurring her own vision once again. “You’re okay, you’re here and I forgive you, don’t be sorry. You forget how well I know you sometimes, don’t you?”           

            “What do you mean?” Lexa frowned, her eyes red rimmed and cheeks tear stained but her head tilted to the side like a confused puppy.

            Clarke managed a small smile and brushed a stray strand of hair behind Lexa’s tiny ear tenderly. “Baby, you start arguments when you’re stressed. You push me away and I fight back until you’re finally willing to open up to me about what’s bothering you.”

            Lexa pouted her tears drying up a bit, “I don’t like you anymore.”

            “Shut up,” Clarke laughed and rolled her eyes, placing a tender kiss to Lexa’s lips, being careful of the split in the lower one.

            “My head hurts,” Lexa licked her lips and messed with the cut a bit after they separated. “I didn’t want to sleep until I saw you…I didn’t want you to walk out when you saw I was sleeping so I stayed up. Would you…would you sit with me? For a little bit?”

            “Always,” Clarke grabbed one of the chairs and drew it to Lexa’s bedside. She dropped her hand to brush over Lexa’s forearm and smiled. “You can rest, I’ll be here.”

            Lexa’s fingers intertwined with Clarke’s as she closed her eyes and shifted to get comfortable. She rested on her side facing Clarke, “Don’t let go?”

            “I won’t,” Clarke straightened the blanket. She kept her eyes on Lexa, unable to peel them away for even a second. She was thankful the other girl was alive and the relief made her hands shake and her legs weak. If she was completely honest with herself, Clarke’s whole world had nearly fallen apart and she didn’t know when Lexa became her world. If it was the first night or some night since then, but, now, she was okay with it.


	3. Thank My Lucky Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa are grown, married and have a family. Lexa reflects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to make this a 4-part thing, but decided that adding the "grey and old" part was kind of depressing in reflection of all this fluff I just wrote. So I decided to say fuck it and just go with this beauty right here. I apologize profusely for any mistakes, I just finished writing this after my Pre-Calculus class because I felt like I needed an outlet before doing my homework for it. Enjoy the fluff, drop a comment and follow me for more Clexa beauty.   
> Thanks for reading!  
> ~TGF

**Thank My Lucky Stars**

            “Aden, if you wake mom, I’ll kill you,” Isabel whispered harshly across the breakfast table to her younger brother. The eight year old had just asked for a glass of milk too loudly and Izzy wasn’t having any of it. Her parents worked hard and deserved to sleep. If her mommy woke up grumpy because of Aden she swore to herself that she’d fulfill her promise to kill him. She was excited that when she got home from school, both of her moms would be there when she got off the bus.

            It was a rare treat for the Griffin-Woods clan to be together earlier than 9 o’clock on a week night. But Clarke had worked late the night before on papers and Lexa had taken a vacation day to be home, at least for as long as she could.

            “Isabel, you will not kill your brother,” Lexa murmured calmly from the stove. She turned to them with two plates of food. “And Aden, please lower your voice, your mother is still asleep.”

            Sometimes Lexa wondered how they managed it all, but it was in moments like these. Moments where her kids were bickering—much more quietly now—across the table and she was okay with it. They were just being kids and maybe Lexa couldn’t wait for them to be at school so she could have some alone time with her wife.

            Once the two of them settled in to eat, Lexa went back to the stove to start on Clarke’s breakfast. Since it was so rare for them to have the same day off, she wanted to do something special for her hardworking wife.

            It was basically perfect timing. Aden and Isabel finished eating just as the toast for Clarke’s breakfast popped up. Lexa had them both put their plates in the sink and then shooed them to their rooms to get ready for school. With a plate of food in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other, Lexa carefully balanced around them as they scurried off, heading to her own room as quietly as possible.

            The door squeaked just a bit as she bumped it open with her hip and tiptoed her way inside. She maneuvered a couple of things on Clarke’s bedside table and placed the plate and coffee there. The blonde’s head was under the covers and her face was buried in the pillow. Her body was facing Lexa’s side of the bed and if the brunette wasn’t mistaking, she had moved to take over even more of it since Lexa had left. Tangle blonde waves covered her face and Lexa leaned over, brushing strands away from rosy cheeks.

            “Hey, baby,” Lexa whispered, leaning down and pressing a gentle kiss to Clarke’s temple. Her hand instinctively grabbed at Clarke’s hip, hidden under a heavy, warm comforter. She ran her hand gently up and down Clarke’s side as she tried to awaken her. “Wake up, love. I made breakfast.”

            Clarke groaned, her eyelids fluttering and nose twitching adorably. Her body shifted ever so slightly, seeming to push further into Lexa’s touch subconsciously. She didn’t move further though, only settled right back into sleep.

            “Babe,” Lexa murmured again, shaking her lightly, “I know you worked late, but its time to get up. I’m taking Aden and Izzy to school and then I’ll be back.” Lexa kissed her head again, knowing full well Clarke would take a minute to wake up completely. “Don’t let your food get cold. I love you.”

            The sleepy blonde mumbled something akin to ‘I love you too’ but didn’t make a move to do anything further so Lexa placed another gentle kiss to her temple and exited the bedroom. She peaked into Aden’s room, where the scrawny blonde boy was packing up his backpack with his homework the night before.

            “Almost ready, Den?” Lexa smiled at the boy. His eyebrows were furrowed together as he meticulously put each paper back in the proper, organized manner as he did most things. He had that little scrunch right between his eyebrows that Clarke did when she was focused, yet he was so much like Lexa mentally, organized and scheduled, that it sometimes scared her how much they do that was the exact same.

            The boy nodded, “Yeah, momma. Which shoes should I wear?”

            “Whichever you want.”

            “Well, Izzy says I look stupid when I wear my light up ones.” He paused in what he was doing and Lexa noticed the conflicted in his bright eyes.

            Lexa leaned against the door frame casually, “Your sister doesn’t tell you what to do, Aden. You can wear whatever you want to school, I personally think that your Cars shoes are perfect. If they made them in my size I’d wear them in a heartbeat.”

            The small boy grinned at the idea, “You’d look funny.”

            “I’d look cool.”

            Aden giggled and zipped up his backpack, going to his closet to grab his shoes. Lexa left him there, peaking into Isabel’s room. If Aden was more like Lexa, then Izzy was much more like Clarke.

            “Isabel,” Lexa sighed in exasperation. Her daughter was tying her hair back and looking through her messy closet for something to wear. She was still in her pajamas and her floor was littered with toys, her bed was still a mess.

            “I’m almost ready,” her voice was tight with stress because she knew she definitely was not almost ready.

            Lexa stepped into the room, moving to the bed and making it quickly before leaning down and picking up the miscellaneous toys scattered on the floor. She dropped them into the toy box before moving to stand behind her daughter. Her hair was still a mess, a mix of wavy and curly that made it frizz out.

            “What’s taking so long, Iz?” Lexa rested her hands on her daughter’s shoulders, staring into the closet with her.

            “I don’t know what to wear.”

            _You’re ten, what do you have to worry about?_ Apparently the 4 th grade was a difficult time for girls because Izzy had been scattered the entire school year. “Well, lets see.” Lexa’s eyes scanned over the closet. “You have my skin but mommy’s eyes so we should go with this,” Lexa snatched a light green shirt off of a hanger and handed it to the little girl.

            Izzy wrinkled her nose but shrugged, “Are you sure I should wear this?”

            “Trust me, Iz, I know style.”

            The small, brunette girl stared up over her shoulder, passing a judgmental look over Lexa’s plaid sleep pants and tank top as if to say, _Yeah, sure, mom._

            Lexa ran a gentle hand through dark waves before pulling her hair back gently. Deftly, Lexa braided her daughter’s hair in under five minutes, snatching a loose hairband from the end table. Lexa chuckled gently, “Now, get changed, kiddo, we’re out of here in ten.” She nudged Isabel towards her dresser before turning and exiting the bedroom.

            Aden was sitting at the kitchen counter, _Power Rangers_ backpack on his shoulders and feet swinging underneath him, occasionally hitting the leg and making his shoes light up blue and white. He had both hands wrapped around his leftover cup of milk and a white mustache on his upper lip from drinking it. Lexa sat next to him, moussing his white-blonde hair with a gentle hand. Clarke said that his hair would darken as he got older, just like hers had, but Lexa loved it. He reminded her of Draco Malfoy, if Draco had curly hair.

            It took Izzy exactly ten minutes to finish getting ready. They piled into the Jeep, which had been child proofed exactly ten years ago when Clarke had insisted upon it. If Lexa wanted to keep the Jeep, it had to be safe for the children. Once Aden was settled into his booster seat and Izzy was properly buckled in, Lexa started the car.

            They made it through the car loop just in time for the first bell to ring. Both children unbuckled themselves and Izzy leaned up kissing Lexa on the cheek with a quick ‘I love you’ before she was out of the car and rushing towards her classroom.

            Lexa stepped out of the car and opened Aden’s door, taking his hand. He always preferred it when he was walked to his classroom for fear of getting lost and being left alone. It was an irrational fear, but Lexa indulged it because she knew eventually, Aden wouldn’t want her to do it anymore.

            They got to his classroom and Lexa small talked with Mrs. Hall for a moment before kissing her son goodbye. She watched him for a moment as he settled into his seat and laughed at something his neighbor said.

            A feeling settled into the pit of her stomach, a happiness that his her so suddenly she felt like crying. It was insane how quickly her life has unraveled. She’d never expected to get married and have kids and be so wholly and  absolutely infatuated with her children. She waved one last time at Mrs. Hall before turning and walking away. She crossed her arms over her chest.

            Yeah, it got difficult to manage her marriage sometimes and yes, of course she and Clarke argued about bills and the kids and all sorts of childish things. But she was still so irrevocably in love with the blonde it hurt.

            When Lexa gets home from dropping them off, Clarke is in the kitchen washing her dishes. Her hair is pulled into a messy bun on her head and she’s still dressed in her pjs—underwear and one of Lexa’s t-shirts that she’d stolen from way back when they started dating. The brunette’s heart clenched painfully because suddenly she wasn’t almost forty years old with two kids, a mortgage and a wife. She was twenty-four again, meeting Clarke in a bar at Octavia’s twenty-second birthday, going home with her and realizing this woman had embedded herself into her soul all those years ago.

            “I could have done that,” Lexa greeted the blonde, hanging the keys up by the door to the garage, before walking around the island and into the kitchen, “Breakfast was supposed to be special for you.”  

            Clarke glanced over her shoulder, elbows deep in sink water and smiled. Her eyes were tired and the lines at the corners of her eyes crinkled, brightening them. It sent Lexa’s heart stuttering in her chest, because _damn_ was her wife gorgeous. It settled deep into her bones almost every day how much she loved the woman in front of her, even after all these years. “I wanted to do something nice for you too.” She shrugged, then added teasingly, “But you use _a lot_ of dishes, there was no reason for half of them.”       

            Lexa slipped her arms around Clarke’s waist as she sidled up behind her. She swayed them back and forth as Clarke washed and rested her head in the crook of her shoulder, “I’m sorry, I would have done them, you know.” She placed a chaste kiss to Clarke’s neck.

            Clarke rolled her eyes, “I know, hon. But I kind of like doing dishes.”

            “That is disgusting.” Lexa wrinkled her nose.

            “You love me anyway,” she glances over her shoulder again and smiles so vibrantly Lexa’s heart physically hurts.

            Blue eyes meet green, “More than words can describe,” Lexa planted a small kiss on the curve of Clarke’s neck again, breaking eye contact and squeezed her a bit closer.

            “Sap.” Clarke quipped lightly, “But I love you too.” Clarke stretches forward and turns off the sink before drying off her hands. Once dry, she turns in Lexa’s arms and leans back against the counter a smile playing on her lips. She wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck and tangled her hands into her hair.

            Lexa watched her, still marveling at the fact that it had been more ten years that they had been married and she was still head over heels in love with her wife. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, from her experience, marriage was mostly trash. But this, this was beyond reasonable thought and she was so grateful for it. She had always been told as a kid that eventually everything settles down, but Clarke still drove her mad. It was like seeing her for the first time every single day and it never got old.

            Clarke’s smile widened and Lexa mimicked it. “What?” Lexa asked, genuinely curious.

            “You. You’re perfect and I’m so in love with you, sometimes it hurts.” Clarke brushed a hand over the scar at Lexa’s hairline before trailing it down to her jaw, then dropping it to her shoulder.

            Instead of responding, Lexa leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Clarke’s lips. A hard, passionate kiss that tried to convey all the feelings she was no good at putting into words. She cupped the side of Clarke’s face and pressed their bodies flush together, melting into the curves she was so familiar with.

            Clarke pulled away slightly after a moment, their noses brushing lightly in an affectionate, instinctual way they’d developed years ago. “Will you dance with me?”

            The brunette didn’t respond, only stepped back and clasped Clarke’s hand, sending her stumbling forward into Lexa’s chest. “I will always dance with you, love.”

            When they were younger, Clarke hadn’t known how to dance in any style except when she went clubbing. Lexa’s only way of teaching her was by having her stand on her toes and spinning them around the room. This time was no different, Clarke stepped on Lexa’s sneakered feet with her bare ones and they clasped hands once again.

            Lexa sent them spinning and hopping around the kitchen and Clarke laughed so vibrantly it made Lexa do the same. It was one of those rare moments they both felt like kids again, when they were free and in school together, living everyday like their last.

            Now, they had kids and bills that piled up some months. Lexa worked constantly, and Clarke was doing a mixture of microbial research and teaching at the University. The kids were sometimes difficult and sometimes the only interaction they had was falling into bed next to each other at the end of the day.

            This was one of those moments that made Lexa appreciate every single one of the bad ones. Lexa lightly pushed Clarke off her toes and spun her around, loose blonde tresses were thrown around Clarke’s head and caught the light like white gold.

            They stopped dancing, both out of breath and clinging to each other, laughing like they had not a care in the world. “You know,” Clarke began, “I can’t wait to be old and grey with you and embarrass our kids until they don’t want us around anymore and tell our grandkids _all_ about how we met and fell in love.”

            “You mean, how you were shitfaced drunk and I had to take care of you while you were sick on your bathroom floor?”

            Clarke smacked Lexa’s shoulder and gasped, pulling away slightly but Lexa wouldn’t let her go. “Rude, I don’t remember it that way. No, I mean how I knew from the moment I saw you that you were my soulmate, no matter how much of a pain in my ass you were from that moment forward.”

            It was Lexa’s turn to feign hurt. “Excuse me, you married me.”

            “Only because it took you forever to ask and I had to ask _you_.”

            “Oh you _had_ to? Was it such a chore?”

            “No,” Clarke grinned. “You could never be a chore. I wouldn’t change a thing about you even if I could.” She wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck and stretched upward, pressing a kiss to Lexa’s lips once again. They swayed back and forth for a few more minutes, lost in their memories and the feeling of the other.

            “Clarke Griffin, I am going to love you for all of eternity, I hope you know. You can’t get rid of me. Even when we die, I’m going to be there with you, loving you wherever we end up.”

            “As long as we die together.”

            “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

            Lexa hummed quietly and pressed gentle kisses into Clarke’s jaw. “So what do you want to do the rest of the day?”

            They made eye contact, flashing knowing smiles at each other as Clarke pretended to pull it over. “Binge watch Disney movies?”

            Lexa rolled her eyes and chuckled, “We gotta watch Mulan first.”

            “No, Monsters Inc.”

            “No,” Lexa sighed dramatically, pulling Clarke in the direction of the living room.

            “Yes, Monsters Inc.”

            “Mulan.”

            “Okay, fine,” Clarke slumped into the couch and opened her arms, gesturing for Lexa to lay on top of her. “But Monsters Inc. after.”

            “Fine. Then the Incredibles.” Lexa grabbed the remote from the coffee table and the fuzzy blanket from the back of the couch before pressing her body into Clarke’s. She handed the blonde the remote and buried her face in the crook of her neck.

            This was the paradise she’d never let go of.


End file.
